Sexual Healing Surrogate sex workers put clients on the path to intimacy Written by Juli Handel Photo by Astrid Riecken Her client picks his pants up off the floor and begins to get dressed. "Will that be all for today?" he asks. "I think so. Let's meet again next week, say ...," she checks her planner. "Tuesday, at three?" "Sure." He finishes the top button of his shirt. "But I'm making progress, right?" "Oh absolutely," she says as she begins to get dressed. "I think your therapy is coming along quite nicely." Very businesslike, very professional. Women who serve as sex surrogates are professionals. Few observers will guess the nature of their work at the mall, the grocery store, or at home. Vena Blanchard's 7-year-old daughter runs into the house attempting to get her attention. She answers her daughter's question and directs her to play outside. After the room is clear, she starts to talk about her career and daughter. "Do you think about your mom having sex?" she asks. "I want my daughter to have a strong sense of who she is before she learns more about people who have sexual problems and the unique ways they work through them." Blanchard, 39, is a housewife in Torrance, Calif. She attends PTA meetings and has been happily married for almost 10 years. When people ask her family what she does for a living, they say she is a counselor, or sometimes a sex therapist. In reality, Blanchard has been a sex surrogate partner for the past 20 years. Sex therapists refer their clients to her. The job requires a close relationship with people who have sexual problems, and having sex with her clients can be part of that therapy. Incest, rape, molestation, shyness, and premature ejaculation are some of the issues that lead people to seek help from a surrogate partner. "I think someone who wants to do something generous for another person makes the best surrogate," Blanchard offers. "It's important for the client to feel as though they're working with a person that has a lot to offer." Despite widespread media publicity about surrogate therapy, many are still confused as to what the job entails. Some people think a surrogate is nothing more than a prostitute, because she has sex for money. Although surrogates get paid for their work, they have different goals than a prostitute. The surrogate's job is to teach clients the skills they need to be more effective socially and sexually. Reputable surrogates work closely with the therapists and form a partnership, dealing with different aspects of the patients recovery. Through open lines of communication they monitor the progress of the patient. Marilyn Lawrence, a sex therapist for the past 25 years, works closely with several surrogate partners and says she's seen them help many of her patients. "This method of therapy is not for everyone, but I have seen many people overcome sexual problems with the help of a surrogate," she explains. Since the '70s, surrogate therapy has existed with no specific laws regulating the profession. Sex surrogates are not against the law, but neither are they specifically permitted. For their own protection they should be certified. Blanchard became a sex therapist when it became an organized occupation. In 1977 a friend asked her to attend a conference at the Center for Social and Sensory Learning, and it was there thatBlanchard was first introduced to the idea. She was working in a nursery school, making minimum wage and needed a higher-paying job. At 19, she had already been married and divorced. Helping people was something she always wanted to be a part of. Since surrogate partners make $100 an hour, the same wages sex therapists do, it was enticing. Blanchard went through a 70-hour training program in Los Angeles and then worked with another surrogate as an intern. Around 10 clients on the average come in for a two-hour session weekly and keep seeing her anywhere from 12 weeks to a few years in some cases. Blanchard admits that often times she becomes emotionally attached to her clients and maintains that it helps them when emotion is involved. "It's useful," she says, "Clients need to feel those emotions to learn to deal with future relationships. It also helps them with successfully closing a relationship when it's time for them to stop seeing me." Clients who were never held or cuddled as children, Blanchard explains, are touch-starved as adults and don't know how to give or receive the affection they need. When Blanchard becomes close to a client, she has to remind herself to keep the client's needs the priority. She once saw a client for two years and had a difficult time when they had to face closure. "We both cried. I was depressed for two weeks," Blanchard remembers. Blanchard's husband Steven did not know if he would be able to keep dating her when she told him what she did. Eventually he moved in with her, but insisted the relationship would not progress to marriage because of her career. After a few years of living together, he asked her to marry him and now they have a daughter together. A large number of surrogate partners don't tell many of their family members what they do for a living. "My mom was very supportive from the beginning. I chose to tell my family, but many surrogate friends of mine do not. Having a network of surrogate friends has been very important," Blanchard says. When the job of a surrogate gets emotionally taxing, she turns to other surrogates for support. The International Professional Surrogates Association is a network of surrogates that conduct new surrogate training and network with therapists. As the president of IPSA, Blanchard organizes the network of surrogates. She describes the members of the surrogate association as being well trained and extremely patient people. In the age of AIDS, Blanchard has been forced to use different methods than she did in the late '70s. "I never used a condom before 1984," she reveals. The official IPSA position is that testing is a personal matter and up to the surrogate. Blanchard never requires her clients to test for HIV. She feels that practicing safe sex is enough and maintains that the majority of her clients have had very few, if any previous sexual encounters. Blanchard feels fewer people were becoming surrogates in the past decade due to the AIDS scare and conservative political climate. The IPSA is aware of only 40 surrogates in the United States, but estimates there are around 100 surrogates in the United States when those who are unregistered are factored in. "This is my life. Helping other people is what I always wanted to be a part of," says Blanchard. "I really believe in it." |ISSUE #2|FEATURES|A&E|INVESTIGATIVE| |GREEN WATCH|NAKED TRUTH|IN MOTION|HEALTH|INDEX|