Most of us think gender is one of the easy issues -- you're male or female, one or the other -- except for those rare folks who are but aren't, or who are one and then the other.
Variations in erotic desire alone defy this simple answer and suggest that gender is more complex. Not all straight men are attracted to "feminine" women, or women to "masculine" men. And if there's such variety among heterosexuals, imagine what happens when we consider everyone else.
People around me grappling with gender issues helped open my eyes to my own gender identity struggle. Friends were changing gender and redefining the concept. It started making sense when I thought of gender as a fluid expression instead of a binary system.
I was also involved with Gay American Indians and learned about Two-Spirit people who possess the spirit of both genders. In many tribal societies, gender was a whole different creature.
I've thought a lot about gender. As a mixed-blood butch dyke, I am also two-spirited and transgendered. Transgender can mean "transgressing gender." I sin against gender rules. As often as possible.
If I flirt with a gay male friend at a party, I don't feel like a woman. It's my chance to be gay and male, which is different from my teen-age boy who sometimes surfaces in the face of very high heels in a certain setting, or on a nervous first date. If two queers who are of different genders do it, is it heterosexual? I think not -- it's very queer.
Our culture's view of gender forces people to behave the way their assigned gender "should." But you don't have to stray far from the correct behavior to become stigmatized.Carried to its horrific end, this would make us all look and act one way or the other. Eventually there would only be two kinds of people. But that isn't happening.
Instead, the range of acceptable appearance and behavior is opening -- gradually, and sometimes two steps forward and three steps back. Women can wear pants, but men can't wear dresses without serious consequences. Aggression is still considered an undesirable trait in women, though expected in men.
This trend isn't leading us toward a unisex society. That wouldn't be any fun. In science fiction, the only gender variation writers create is an androgynous third gender -- a particularly boring sexless brand.
Variety is the spice of life. Gender is more interesting than that and incredibly erotic, if we give ourselves more room to play.
I don't look like a man, yet I get called "sir." Why? Do they sense something? They're usually not looking at me, much less seeing me. Is gender really a clear biological reality? Or does it include energies, attitudes, BVD's and Victoria's Secret lingerie?
I have a wide range of gender expression. I don't feel like or want to be a man. I am comfortable with who I am, but that's because I don't buy anybody's labels. I define my own identity.