February 16, 1995
Feminists strive to make the world a safe place for everyone to drink, wear sexy clothing and flirt without fear of date rape.
The distinction between date rape and stranger rape is that in a date rape situation there is initial consent to be alone stemming from mutual attraction. Many women don't know how to say "no" to intercourse, especially after allowing everything from kissing to heavy petting. There is no wrong decision, if the situation remains comfortable. The problem arises when there isn't enough communication between partners. Once it goes too far, we feel violated or abused.
As a woman who regularly dates, I take responsibility for my own well-being. Living in a sheltered hole is not my solution. Instead I have fun, yet I never get out of control. Those who don't verbalize their consent from the start let their indecision be their decision, and continue with something they don't really want.
But here on campus, students aren't receiving the message that it is the responsibility of both people -- both male and female -- not only to communicate, but to then take responsibility for those actions.
After two date rapes were reported in the residence halls last semester, the S.A.F.E. Place responded with a dating guideline.
It suggested verbal permission at each stage of a sexual encounter. May I hold your hand? Will you come into my room? Will you have sexual intercourse with me? These don't spawn communication. Realistically, no one is going to ask before making every move.
Women who "cry wolf" about date rape compromise the integrity of other women who experience true date rape. They seek to place blame by playing the role of the victim. It is important to tell what we want, or don't want, before it becomes difficult to communicate personal need and desire.
Women falsely accuse men of date rape after they have sex, but wait too long to say no. In their minds, the whole encounter is unwanted, even if the man stops after her protest. She believes she was date raped because she views the whole act as a violation.
Why does it seem so simple, and yet so difficult? We need to communicate and avoid situations where we may have to compromise our bodies. By not voicing our concerns, we put ourselves at risk and our partners in jeopardy.
Not all men are testosterone-filled beasts, and not all women are stupid. But women have the power to control their actions and should use it. All it takes is responsibility; if not for ourselves, than for all the others that suffer harm because of false accusations.