[ Golden Gater Online - September 11, 1997 ]

Introducing the Monarchy Party

Xavier Aubuchon-Mendoza

Last week, I gave up on democracy, bureaucracy and the benevolence of my fellow man -- and in that moment found the way to solve all our problems.

I began to consider my options and collect information after a minor altercation with the student center bureaucracy, in which I realized there was no meaningful democratic recourse to my dilemma.

From making empty campaign promises to a student body only remembered during an election season to our unique situation in which an absurd coalition of ethnic alliances controls the student government, the evidence mounts that corruption is inherent to the system, not accidental, and that it is the democratic process itself which has failed.

Associated Students claims to "represent" the student body, but what right does it have to say that when not even 10 percent of the students vote? When the biggest difference between the "parties" is who gets sent on junkets and what groups get the biggest share of the funding pie?

Some would say that all we need to do is reform "A" or elect "B," and "get the students involved." But that's just blind optimism at best. Relying on the goodwill and common interests of the student body is bound to fail; the students just don't care. SF State is a commuter college - anybody who isn't too busy with jobs or classes is obviously up to no good.

We should dissolve the student government and replace it with the only thing that could possibly solve all our problems: A benevolent dictatorship. Under my rule, we would never have to worry about the vagaries of the democratic process again! No more annoying people handing out pointless fliers in the quad! No more inane debates! No more paying for one of the most expensive "Board of Directors" in the state system! The savings could be applied directly to much-needed scholarships. Avoiding the waste of time, energy and paper that we call an "election season" is just one more benefit. We could start awarding Baronies, Dukedoms and Principalities immediately! Who wouldn't want to be a Marquis? For all these reasons and many more, the choice is clear. The time to act is now. Join the Monarchy Party -- vote once and be done with it!

Platform of the Monarchy Party:
We promise to:

Act independently of all pressure groups and special interests.
Make the tough decisions, no matter what the polls say.
Set a positive example of grace, decorum, and leadership.
Never get involved in partisan politics, remaining above the fray at all times.
Eliminate the deficit and balance the budget.
Be ready to defend the campus from our enemies (external and internal) at all times.
Throw lavish parties for our supporters and visiting dignitaries.
Wear stylish, expensive, outfits at all times.
Make sure SF State gets the really good press coverage it deserves.
Not burden the public with the trivialities of administration.

For more information: http://userwww.sfsu.edu/~xav_am/monarchy.html

[ Golden Gater - September 11, 1997 ]