[ Golden Gater Online - December 11, 1997 ]
Sharon Lerman
News Editor
The bars have closed in late-night Los Angeles. I stumble into an unfamiliar Denny's, slouching into a nearby booth. A long, unattended ash sinks quietly to the floor. An angry face looms closer from behind the bluish haze and hisses, "There is NO smoking allowed in here!" A thin banner of smoke trails my dismissive gesture."Well, then, bring me an ash tray, willya?"
There's nothing like prohibition to inspire good, old-fashioned civil disobedience. And with the state's smoking ban taking hold in bars and card rooms Jan. 1, there will be plenty more where that came from.
In a sense, I couldn't be happier with the ban. You see, I never do seem to come up with a New Year's resolution I can abide by. But this year, legislators have made it all too easy for me: I'm going to smoke. That's right. I will spend 1998 crushing butts into puke-stained bar carpets and tossing smoke rings in the direction of every bar employee who happens my way.
And you can't stop me. You can call me mean-spirited, irresponsible or foolish, but I'll call you a zealot and a dimwit. After all, you actually believe bar employees want state-mandated lung protection, and you don't even question the validity of popular junk science.
I don't care to argue the finer points of conflicting medical studies and popular opinion polls with you. I've been pushed far enough into a dimly-lit tavern corner, and now I'm going to smoke myself out of it.
I've managed well enough with the restaurant ban, and I only breach it occasionally. Most times I take my business to the few places in the city that still allow both food and cigarettes, but I certainly won't tell you stone-throwing nags where to find them.
But prohibiting smoking in bars is another matter entirely. Stepping outside for a smoke is an unacceptable option -- you ever tried to get your seat back on a Friday night, with a dozen other patrons jockeying for your position? And I can't hang around outdoors with a Camel in one hand and a martini in the other because consuming alcohol on the street is prohibited, too.
I'll admit, I'm a sucker for breaking the law. When I visited Reno a few weeks ago, I lit 'em up in the casinos, sucked 'em down in the diners and puffed away in the powder rooms, and it was not only gloriously legal, it was expected of me. But I still couldn't resist smoking in the elevator, the only place it wasn't allowed.
But next year, I get the two-pronged pleasure of law-breaking and standing up for a cause I believe in. And you nonsmokers, you'd just better stay the hell outta my way.
[ Golden Gater - December 11, 1997 ]